Swordfish Duel
by Fenris13
Summary: Kakashi Hatake just wants to unwind for the day and read his new book. But who should he meet there at the bar but Team Seven's old Academy teacher, Iruka Umino, who happens to be drunk as a skunk. Light IruKaka, Shonen-ai ish , crackbunny, OOC, oneshot.


A cutesy, fluffly, adorable, light IruKaka story.

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Iruka was drunk.

That was the only possible explanation Hatake Kakashi could come up with.

He was at the bar, right? Just came down to take a load off, what with all the overpowering angst and drama going on between his three protégés―people usually underestimated Sakura, which usually led to a punch in face and was rather funny to watch―and he wanted to read his new book and grab a quick drink. Jiraiya had just finished the most recent installment of his Icha Icha series, and Kakashi had gotten the book from him before it came out in stores. Kakashi couldn't wait to read it.

But when he got to the bar, he encountered Iruka, Naruto's teacher from the academy. He and Iruka hadn't had much to do with one another, though a few months ago Iruka started coming to their practices a little early when he and Naruto went for ramen. Sometimes he and Iruka would exchange a few quick and somewhat awkward words as they waited for the three to finish sparring―though the few quick and awkward words became involved conversations due to the length of the sparring sessions. After Iruka started showing up, Kakashi had them spar at the end of practice more and more often so he would be free to talk to the team's old teacher.

At some point one of their 'short' conversations led to the topic of Iruka's scar. Kakashi asked him where he had gotten it.

"Swordfish duel," was all Iruka said. "I don't like to talk about it." And the conversation ended.

But now, here at the bar, as Kakashi looked around idly he saw that the man next to him was none other than the dark-skinned chuunin with the swordfish inflicted scar right across his face. And he looked pretty intoxicated, though Kakashi wasn't about to assume anything yet. With a nod to the oblivious man who hadn't seen Kakashi at all, he pulled out his new book and thanked the bartender when he set Kakashi's drink in front of him.

Iruka gasped. "Is that…? No, it can't be!"

Kakashi turned toward him. "Excuse me?"

Iruka continued. "It _is!_ But how did you get it?"

Kakashi was very confused. "My sharingan? Well, it's a long story, involving the death of my best friend and some extreme character development, though I'd prefer not talking about it…"

"No, no, no, not that, I already know about _that_."

Kakashi blinked. "Wait, what? How?"

"Naruto told me. But that's not important. What's important is _that_."

Iruka pointed. Kakashi was still a little caught up on that fact that, one, Naruto had told Iruka, two, Naruto _knew _the story, and three, Iruka thought that Kakashi practically murdering his best friend and accidentally breaking the heart of the other in the process wasn't all that important. At least, not as important as the brand new orange book held in Kakashi's hand.

"_Where did you _get_ that?_" Iruka stage-whispered. "_It's not even in _stores_ yet!"_

Kakashi shifted uncomfortably, still a little startled. "Um, I got it from Jiraiya. Due to my connections to him through the 4th and my enjoyment of the series, I'm able to get the new books early."

Iruka was very excited, Kakashi could tell. Something about the way his pretty brown…er…regular brown, glazed eyes shone and his smile grew larger until he was grinning so much Kakashi was a little creeped out told him that Iruka was very excited.

"When you're done with it, _I must borrow it_."

Kakashi was shocked again. "Uh, I, uh, didn't know you liked the series."

"Of _course!_ This is the book where Mizuki and Takuya finally discover the real reason they are pushed together so much by the coincidental hand of destiny on the road of life (which you keep getting lost on, and I've been meaning to set up signs for you so you won't get lost, but I can never find the time)―true love! I have been waiting for this book ever since the last one came out, and now you have it! It _must_ be a sign!"

"Um, okay. Sure. You can have it when I'm done."

Iruka promptly fell off of his bar stool and collapsed on the ground. "I think I'll stay on this comfy, solid, not-moving thing people walk on until your hair stops trying to eat me. While silky smooth, it is not very comfortable be eaten by jouniiiiiii…"

Kakashi stared at the chuunin, who was now lying on the ground, asleep. He had trailed off, though Kakashi wasn't entirely sure what that last part _was_ exactly.

"…What."

Kakashi sighed and considered ignoring the teacher on the ground next to him and returning to his book and his drink, but that was not about to happen. He really should help Iruka back to his house. Kakashi knew that waking up at the bar was not exactly a pleasant experience, saying as how whenever _he_ had a hangover, he did not appreciate waking up to the hustle and bustle of the day, without ready access to a toilet or shower. Or clean clothing. It really was the shower that did it, though.

Sighing, Kakashi put his beloved book back in his pocket, threw back the rest of his drink, and picked up the sleeping ninja. He was surprisingly light, though Kakashi supposed that he _was_ a ninja, and a reasonably strong one at that.

Walking through the streets of Konoha, Kakashi realized with some disturbance that he actually knew where Iruka's house was. It was odd that he would keep tabs on someone he didn't actually know all that well, besides the past conversations during that last two hours of practice every day for the past half a year or so. The length of Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura's battles didn't surprise Kakashi very much anymore, though he was glad that Sakura was steadily improving, managing to stay in the fight for ten to twenty minutes longer than she could near the beginning of their training. Kakashi was starting to think that maybe Sasuke and Naruto were ridiculously overpowered for two twelve year olds.

Walking up to Iruka's front door, Kakashi shifted Iruka in his grip to free one of his hands to turn the knob.

"Neh…quit it, Kakashi…"

Starting at the sound of his name, Kakashi turned his head toward Iruka's. The chuunin appeared to still be sleeping―based off of that soft, almost child-like look on his face―causing Kakashi to raise an eyebrow, but he continued through the door and walked into the room.

Setting the sleeping ninja carefully on the couch in Iruka's living room, Kakashi looked around to take in his surroundings. What he saw in the corner in another room shocked him, but explained Iruka's enthusiasm and knowledge of the characters and general storyline in Icha Icha. Sitting on a bookshelf in the corner of Iruka's room was a bookshelf filled with orange books.

Pushing the ajar door open further, he walked into the bedroom. It appeared that Iruka had made those nine square feet or so surrounding the bookshelf completely dedicated to Icha Icha, as there were posters covering every inch of the wall within the boundary.

Outside of the boundary was the rest of Iruka's room, and Kakashi noted with interest that there was what appeared to be the 'sword' of a swordfish hanging on the wall opposite the bed. Below it were several pictures of Iruka from when he was in his late teens and early twenties holding what appeared to be a swordfish. In one of them, Kakashi saw, Iruka looked a little worn out, especially since blood was pouring out of a gash that sliced across his face and over the bridge of his nose. Iruka had not been lying when he told Kakashi he had gained his scar during a swordfish duel.

Suddenly remembering that he should probably get Iruka into his bed instead of the couch, he left Iruka's room. Picking up the sleeping man, Kakashi put him to bed in the clothes he was wearing (though he did remove Iruka's shoes) and brushed a few errant hairs away from Iruka's face. Leaving the room, Kakashi sat on the couch wondering if he should stay or go. Shrugging, Kakashi walked into Iruka's kitchen, grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. As the water splashed into his cup, Kakashi took notice of the picture of Team-Seven-plus-Kakashi hanging on the refrigerator door.

Leaving the kitchen, Kakashi settled down on the couch, placed his glass on the table, and began to read.

When Iruka woke up the next morning, he immediately noticed two things after brushing hair out of his face. The first was a pounding headache and a bad feeling that he was about to throw up. The second he noticed in the bathroom, after throwing up in the toilet, that he was still wearing his clothes from the night before.

With a groan, Iruka stood and shut the bathroom door, deciding a shower was necessary. After showering and sighing in relief, Iruka left the bathroom in a towel and entered his room, humming. Once he dressed and finished contemplating his after-battle swordfish pictures, Iruka left his room and entered the kitchen. However, when he reached for a glass, he faltered mid-hum.

Something was out of place.

It wasn't the glass, though one of them had disappeared from the cupboard overnight. It wasn't the pictures in his room or the one of Kakashi and their students on the fridge. It hadn't been his Icha Icha Corner of Happiness and Relaxation. Neither was it the fact that he had managed to make his way home last night, though he had no idea how he had managed to do that.

Leaving the kitchen still a little puzzled, Iruka came upon the object of his befuddlement.

Lying on the couch―_his_ couch―was none other than Hatake Kakashi. With a bright orange book held in one hand over his chest. Iruka immediately felt his face grow hot and his palms become sweaty, such that he had to force his mouth shut and put the full glass of water down before he dropped it. He would hate to have to clean it up or chance waking up the man sleeping on his couch.

Regaining his composure, Iruka walked up silently to Kakashi.

"Kakashi..." he whispered. "Are you awake?"

Iruka recieved no reply. Looking around hesitantly, he reached out slowly and nudged Kakashi's shoulder. Then his arm. Then his face. When Iruka was satisfied that the jounin really was conked out completely, he ever so slowly stretched out his hand...closer...closer...

Before Iruka could reach his goal, Kakashi sprang up and leaped over the back of the couch. Iruka stumbled back and fell down on the top of his coffee table. The coffee table, however, was oriented in such a way so when Iruka fell, his head did not go over the edge. But it was pretty close.

"Ow...what the hell, Kakashi? I asked if you were awake!"

Kakashi straightened and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I wanted to see if you would go for my mask. Most people do."

Iruka groaned and rubbed the back of his head, sitting up.

"Well, I didn't! I, uh, was..."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Going for the book."

Kakashi held his hand up to his ear. "I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

Iruka huffed. "I said, I was going for the book."

"What?"

_"I was going for the book!"_ Iruka all but shouted.

Silence reigned for a while.

"...the book?" Iruka nodded sheepishly.

"You had the opportunity to look under my mask, and you go for the book I already agreed to let you borrow when I was done reading it?"

"Well, I didn't remember you agreeing to let me borrow it! I was kind of hammered at the time!"

"Oh yeah, why was that?"

Iruka was silent for a moment as he got up off of the coffee table.

"One of my old students died recently. The funeral was a few days ago."

Kakashi followed Iruka toward the kitchen, picking up the two glasses on the coffee table that Iruka had somehow missed and not knocked off. "Sorry. Death can be a kind of hard thing to get over. But haven't you taught a lot of the younger ninjas? That would mean..."

Iruka rested his elbows on the kitchen counter. "Yeah. I mean, I should be used to it, right? I shouldn't be this affected by it all the time, right? But..."

"But you still feel horrible that they're dead because you knew them, and maybe if you had been a better teacher, they wouldn't be dead."

Iruka looked up at Kakashi. "Yeah, that's about it."

Kakashi punched Iruka's shoulder.

"Ow! Hey!"

"It's not your fault they die, Iruka. We're _ninjas_. We fight other ninjas to the death―chances are, some us are going to die a little earlier than some. Stop beating yourself up about it. Let other people do that for you."

Kakashi punched him again and left.

As the door closed, Iruka rubbed his arm and smiled. He smiled wider when he saw the orange book on the couch where Kakashi had forgotten it. He spent the rest of the day sitting in his Icha Icha Corner of Happiness and Relaxation.

As Team Seven began to spar during the last two or so hours of practice, Kakashi reached into his pocket for his book. His eye widened when his hand was met with nothing but the inside of his vest.

"Nooooo!"

He would be visiting Iruka later that day.

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I know I should be writing other things right now, but the plot bunny distracted me in all its fluffy shininess. Thanks for reading! Please Review!


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